Once your narcissistic husband finds out you want to leave him, he will do his best to manipulate you and inflict pain upon you in any way he can. Limiting direct communication with him as much as possible will be the best way for you to protect yourself from his rage and to defuse his powers, especially if you have children together.
Six Solid Tips to Avoid Spiraling Into Fruitless Arguments With a Narcissist
- Stick to the Issues. Your arrogant and selfish narcissist husband believes that everything is about him, and he will make an issue of everything as it relates to him and only him. Identify the real problems that need to be dealt with, and do not bother discussing any issues with him that are not relevant to you and what you or your family needs. Ignore his questions and any demands for information that are not relevant.
- Do Not Enable Him. When your narcissist husband tries to make you feel guilty for standing up against him, limit those one-sided conversations by simply saying “No.” He will blame you for his problems and more, but you do not need to explain to him how wrong he is, nor do you need to defend yourself. Anything you could say to him will not change him or his deluded worldview, so don’t buy into his twisted sense of self-importance.
- Establish Boundaries. If you do not prioritize and care for your own needs, your narcissistic husband never will. Once you identify and distinguish your real needs from the distorted ones he may impose upon you, define your boundaries as to what you will and will not allow. Clearly control how you respond to him; refuse to communicate with him unless he is respectful and his efforts are free of manipulation.
- Don’t Let Him Create Quarrels Only He Can Win. As master manipulators, narcissists will always try to bring the focus back to themselves, and your husband will push back against any boundaries you set. Don’t get caught up in pointless arguments over who is right. If you allow him to engage you in an argument, you’re wasting your time and energy. A narcissist believes he knows all the answers to everything, that he is superior in intelligence, and has no need to answer to anyone, especially you. Nothing you could say will ever change that. All he wants to do is to confuse you and have you question yourself. Do not engage.
- Rely On the Written Word. Email correspondence will allow you to address the facts and any necessary business at hand, while leaving emotion out of it. Email will also create distance between you and help protect you from your narcissistic husband. Most importantly, whatever your narcissist husband says to you in writing can be used in court as concrete evidence, and he knows that, which may eliminate some of his abusive tactics.
- Be Consistent. If you want to stop the cycle of abuse, you must be firm and resolute in keeping your communication with your narcissistic husband to a bare minimum. Rely on facts, stick to the pertinent matters, and do not buy into his self-centered projections. You must refuse to allow him to push your buttons and resort to email-only whenever possible. All this will help you separate yourself from your narcissistic husband, and help you move on to bigger and better things.
If you’re ready to be free of your narcissistic husband, let the San Francisco legal team at the Law Offices of Paul H. Nathan help you. Don’t wait any longer; contact us today using our live chat or online contact form.