Divorce is not fun. That may be the understatement of the year. But, divorce sucks.  Divorce affects every aspect of life ranging from finances to living conditions. If you have children, divorce can be really overwhelming for them because they might not understand what is going on. 

Recovering physically, emotionally and mentally from a divorce takes time. This is especially true if you have been married to a narcissist emotionally abusive husband.

Realize that this divorce, as stressful as it may be, is an opportunity for you to take back your life. You no longer have to worry about your husband’s happiness. It is time for you to take charge of your happiness.

Take Time To Reflect on Your Life

Studies have shown that those women who take their time to reflect on their decisions and life are the ones who recover quickly and progress in life. This does not mean that they do not feel pain. They are suffering just like their counterparts who indulge in mind-numbing activities such as getting drunk all the time, etc…

And, no matter how much of an asshole your husband is, the divorce is still emotionally strenuous.

Embrace the pain instead of running away from it. Pain is a sign you are alive. People who don’t feel pain during their divorce are either psychotic, a serial killer or are dead. Therefore, realize, you are feeling pain because you are a good person and are alive! And, acknowledging your pain allows you to start healing.

Those who indulge in mind-numbing activities create more problems for themselves like getting drunk every day or having one night stands every weekend, etc.... That is not to say that you should never drink or have sex. I love wine and having a glass is enjoyable to me. But, drinking a bottle every night is generally not a good idea. And, one night stands can result in pesky afflictions like herpes, unwanted pregnancy and other STD’s.

If you take your time to reflect on your life decisions, you’ll end up saving almost everything including your career. You will also have a second chance to advance it as much as you want. 

During or after divorce, you might realize that you need to change your career or even start one. If you have children, you’ll probably look for a flexible job so that you can spend more time with them. Here are some of the perks and pitfalls you should consider if you are thinking of changing your career.

Changing Careers During Divorce Perks:

  • A flexible career. A flexible career will not only be good for you but also for your children. You will need a career that requires less traveling and overtime hours so that you can attend school functions and medical appointments. A flexible career is one that generally improves your parenting. The court will probably take this move positively.
  • Creating a Career. Take time to establish yourself. Establishing yourself will help you become independent and ready to take on the financial responsibilities of your family. 

Plus, creating your career means you’ll be your own boss. You will be the one managing your time and your daily tasks. It might not be easy in the beginning but the rewards pay off well. I know, I am my own boss and I love it. You’ll rediscover yourself and your purpose.

Changing Careers During Divorce Pitfalls:

  • As the divorce negotiations and proceedings take place, you might not have the required energy, focus and determination to be successful in your career. Recovering from a divorce takes a lot of time. You have to grieve, reflect on your decisions, visit doctors and psychologists to recover. If you have children, they also need you to take care of them. When you are spread out like this, it will be difficult to focus on your career or make progress.

  • If your new job comes with a small salary, the court will perceive your move as an attempt to reduce financial obligation with regard to spousal or child support. It will be difficult to persuade them especially if your previous job had a higher remuneration. For example, it may not look good to the judge if you’ve been in the banking industry for twenty years and then you suddenly switch careers to become a small business owner, or an artist.
  • However, it is your lawyer’s job to advise you on a career path, how the court will look at your new career and make strong arguments as to why your new career, if lower paying, is the best path for you and your situation.
  • Changing your career might lengthen the process of divorce because it requires due diligence on the lawyers of both parties to review the financial documents related to child or spousal support. But, hire a good lawyer to deal with this.

Weigh the perks and pitfalls before making a decision. Keep in mind that your decision to change your career will be analyzed by the courts at all angles especially if you’ve dependent children. 

Marin County Divorce Attorney Can Speak with You About Career Changes 

Importantly, talk with your lawyer about your career change. For example, I advise my clients on the benefits and negatives on a career change. I also assist my clients in accessing their new career. My family has been in San Francisco since 1847. I know a few people who can help my clients advance their careers. Plus, I know the benefits of owning my own business and am always willing to offer my assistance to my clients. If you succeed then we all succeed. We are a team. And, the team succeeds. Make sure your lawyer does the same.

You want to make sure your goal is to create a positive and conducive environment for you and, if applicable, your children as a parent and provider. If you have no work history or earnings, the issues of custody might become very complex. 

Should you switch careers during your divorce? The decision is entirely personal because every situation is different. If switching careers will improve your life and/or the life of your children and your life financially and emotionally, it is definitely worth pursuing.

If switching careers puts pressure on you or burdens you, you should probably wait and try switching in the future. Remember, you are going through a lot right now. But, don’t go through it alone. Find a lawyer who can walk you through this process.

You should come out of your divorce with confidence and determination to succeed together with the mental stability to start a new chapter in life.

Start A New Great Chapter In Your Life

During this period, focus on your strengths. Instead of indulging in mind-numbing activities, consider indulging yourself in constructive activities such as journaling, meditating, jogging or running, going for short walks or relaxing in a serene environment or whatever else you enjoy. These activities will help you understand yourself on a deeper level. You’ll be wiser and confident in yourself. 

During this time, your emotions might be chaotic. It will be best if you feel the emotions instead of expressing them. You do not want to lash out at your children or loved ones. They are here to support you. And the best thing you can do for them is to create a peaceful conducive environment. Take care of yourself. In the end, everything will be okay, I promise.

Remember, you need to put your happiness at the forefront. You likely have been worrying about everyone else for a long time. I give you permission to take charge of your life. And, you are free to blame me if anyone criticizes or judges your new lease on life. Tell them that Paul Nathan, the crazy lawyer in Marin County and San Francisco, told you that it is your duty to take charge of your life! Call our Tiburon Divorce Attorney today and speak to someone about the next steps in your life

Paul Nathan
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Marin County California Divorce, Child Support and Custody Lawyer Representing Women Exclusively